My snobbery of Essex once again.

So I'm on Facebook, which is no surprise since this will always be on a daily basis.

And I come across this facebook group "Who's up for a Silent Disco?" (Essex)

The group is basically about having a Silent Disco in the Essex region, which made me laugh at loud. Im sorry but Silent Disco's have been around for YEARS. They are a quality concept and what? Essex has only just realised it might be a good idea?

One of the many reasons I move back to Southampton. The Essex nightlife is like taking your parents out to the cinema. You don't want to be seen out with them, your not that fussed about the film but it's something to kill the time.

Of course I'm not suggesting that Southampton is the number one place to be. But it is a damn sight better than Essex if you want a cheap GOOD night out. Being in Essex makes me try and drink myself into an oblivion only to be pissed off because there's no decent music to dance to. Don't even get me started on Mayhem.

I guess in Essex your clubbing days are over the day you turn 18. Yes I see the irony in that, but we all know the skirts that flaunt around the Essex nightlife are barely legal, and funnily enough look at YOU like you should be tucked up in bed watching Coronation Street.

Come to Southampton my lovers. Decent music is at your doorstep, granted there are still a bunch of unsocialites roaming the street, but you'll be pushed to find somewhere that doesn't have the odd bloke trying to smash a glass in your face.

Love..

So here I am ready to give up on the male specimen and EVEN join match.com when I get a few friend requests and two messages from friends of friends of friends and a complete stranger complementing me on my profile picture.

Can men just smell the vunerability and neediness of women? Or is it just a coincidence that one more example of my pathetic love life and I'll be writing spinster myself on my gravestone.


I'm not bitter just annoyed with the rest of the world needing one another.

Music

It's funny how your music taste changes.

When I was 14 I couldn't STAND the likes of r'n'b, d'n'b and anything else with a comma and B in. As long as the lyrics were giving the two fingers up to the world and it had a guitar in it. I liked.


Not much has changed, my heart will forever hold a torch for Blink 182. That band got me through my anxious teenage years.

But music for me now consists of two loves. Number one lies in the songs relating to the people in my life. If I'm missing my Irish friend whose travelled to Australia, I'll play some Keri Hilson. Not because of the lyrics or the genre of music but because it was played when we were together, in a happy time in our lives.

Number two though consists of my own tiny head space of music. There are just some songs that make my own time stand still, were there are no thoughts, no feelings, just music. These are the songs I treasure the most. No matter what cringey genre or band follows, these songs are ones to be listened to when your at that point in your life were things are trying to tug you all in different directions when all you want to do is sit and listen.

Josh Groban- Your still you. This song I heard while watching an episode of Ally Mcbeal and I was MESMERISED. To the point I forgot to breathe just because I wanted to soak up every note he hit. The song itself feels like a euphoric disney dream, and the lyrics I hope I will feel so much for someone like that one day.

Lifehouse- You and Me

Creed- With Arms Wide Open. Okay so the guy got addicted to paracetmol but the song itself is something of a beauty.

Incubus- Dig.

Gavin de Graw- I Don't Wanna Be. His lyrics really relate to that stage in my life right now.

That's it for now.

Suicide..

Now I've got to be very careful what I say in this, but at the same time I feel something needs to be said.

Recently, a lecturer at Southampton Solent commited suicide, although I did not know him, many friends did and I feel for their loss.

At the same time, almost a year ago a student from Southampton Solent, someone I didn't know too well but was very good friends with the people I love in my life, died the same way.

It just makes me feel sick to know that someone has so much suffering inside of them, they can't go on.

I too know what it's like to lose a loved one in such a way. You think you know someone, you work with them, see them almost every day, laugh with them, go out with them and yet one day there not there anymore.

Apart of me feels angry, one persons suffering then turns into their family, their work collegues and their friends suffering. Those are the ones that truely suffer, they have to go on without ever knowing if they could have done something to stop it. They have to live in the world where its now just that little bit darker.

And yet, a part of me feels a peace now, that their suffering is no more.

No matter how many people we lose in life, a best friend, a work collegue even a family member, I will never understand it. But I hope to learn from it, I hope that all people learn how lucky they are in life

See I have no career path, no luck in love, but I know I have my friends and family who love me.

I just wish everyone felt that way.

Personal thought..

It's amazing how one stranger can just brighten up your entire day.

My train journey home could be like any other, but the train man was nice enough to inform me that next weekend there will be replacement bus services so dont think about taking heavy luggage with me such as a piano.

It's nice to know some people are happy, and enjoy there jobs, and still have a sense of humour.

He probably didn't realise it, but he just helped me take one step closer into restoring my faith in humanity.

What a nice chap.

Drugs

Now I'm not one to say I'm miss perfect.

But last night at work I was serving this couple at the bar and every other word they looked like they were trying to chew their own face.

Why do we do drugs? And how far is too far?

Alcohol, we mostly use it in this era to socialise, to unwind and let ourselves go. Although binge drinking is a major problem in this society it's something unless its on your front door, doesn't bother us. 

I'll hold my hands up and say I am a binge drinker, having two jobs to pay the bastards known as British gas and City Council. I in my own right deserve to relax when I get the opportunity.

I drink to have a good time, I don't always drink to an excessive but 8 times out of 10..I do. I get to dance like know one is watching and boldly hold a stare with the opposite sex and not really feel any remorse the next day.

But drugs, like ketamin and coke and christ knows what else is on the market, now that's what scares me. How does doing drugs before a night out make it any better? Your constantly paranoid people are looking at you the wrong way and there's NO chance of getting with the opposite sex when your dribbling from your mouth and bleeding through your nose.

I hear most coke heads screaming "Don't knock it until you've tried it" but to be honest, I'd rather damage my liver than my brain. The liver repairs itself, your dignity doesn't. 

Current news..

Skimming through the london paper on my journey back to Southampton I read the title, 

"Baby -faced father says he'll be fine"

A boy who is the ripe age of 13 insists he will be a good father. I only have one question to ask, are you kidding me?

When I was 13 growing up in the likes of Essex wasn't exactly the holy place. In-fact, its a blessing in disguise I was never really that popular, I chose to listen to Blink 182 in my baggy jeans whilst the high and mighty fumbled behind the bike sheds. 

Yet it's no surprise to find a 13 year old dad sprawled across the tabloids. Does it really shock us? The pair of mis-youths were brought up in a pokey council flat with parents probably too busy concerned with putting food on the table to realise there own son/daughter is creating more mouths to feed. 

Wake up, society's been like this for a long time, it's just a pity that child is now in the care of two fucked up young individuals to think their wise enough and old enough to care for a child when there barely waving off puberty themselves.

People piss me off.

Wow.

My first blog, what does one put out to the world these days?

To be honest, this little space of mine is mostly to excercise my writing flare, so you will most likely see whatever takes me fancy.

A music review, an unknown band, a thought about the world that passes through my mind, a piece of advice, some unlucky blogs of love and so forth.

So sit back, and we'll get to know each other, and the world out there, a little bit better.

Make some plans,

Jenny